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Sophomore year of high school, I was on my way to the locker room in my dance team uniform after a football game we'd lost. Still blow his football gear, his jaw was clenched and he blow tearing the pep rally "Go team!

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He was tall and the hill was steep so it was hard to balance and I was afraid Blpw was going to fall backwards, but I didn't. Afterwards, he walked me home like ses promised. But sex walked fast and was a few steps ahead of me, sexx I took double steps, stumbling to keep up with him.

I nodded in the dark, understanding what it did and didn't mean, what I was worth and did and didn't deserve. When I got to my house, I walked up the front steps and through the door, shutting it quietly behind me. Leaning back against the door, I slid to the ground. Feeling the cool tile against my face, I curled up into a ball on the entryway floor, wrapped my arms around my knees, and cried. I told some of my friends about that night, but as if it had just been normal hooking-up.

Then more people found out and teased me about it, as if I was promiscuous, slutty. At 15 years old, I didn't understand what had happened. I'd had a crush on Patrick for so long sdx all I'd wanted was for him to notice me, to kiss me, and he finally did, only something had gone wrong.

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A few months ago, the night before my first date with a guy I'd known for a while and really liked, I had the dream again. It's almost always the same. I'm back sex those woods, and Patrick's there, too, a few steps ahead sex me as I blow down the dirt path, stumbling in the dark.

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One weekend in May I heard that there was going to be a keg party in the woods by the pond on Sunday night since we had Monday off from school. My best friend couldn't go but I had a feeling that Patrick would be there so I decided to go by myself. I went to my best friend's house before the party and she did my hair, putting it half-up in a clip and blow-drying and hairspraying my bangs.

Walking up to the clearing by the pond where the party was, I saw right away that Patrick was there and my stomach did flip-flops. He made his way over and talked to me, and at the end of the night he said he would walk me home. Maybe he'll kiss me! I thought, walking down the dirt path next to him, and popping a Wint-O-Green Lifesaver in my mouth just in case. Covering my mouth with my hand, I tried to subtly spit out my Lifesaver so I'd be ready for the kiss, and dropped it on the ground.

A second later, he leaned down and started kissing me. I couldn't believe this was actually happening! But then he took my clothes off really quickly and all of a sudden I was lying on the ground and he was on top of me. His hands were all over me and dried leaves scratched against my back and legs and my mind couldn't keep up with what was going on. I was trying to decide if I liked it or not and leaning towards not when he told me to give him a blow job. He said if I didn't do it he'd leave me alone in the woods, and kept walking towards the road.

I scrambled to gather my clothes and put them back on, and ran after him. Standing completely still, my breath caught in my chest. I didn't want to say it but I did, and he led me to the top of hill with a stream trickling by below.

Then he dropped his shorts to his ankles, put his hands on my shoulders, and pushed me down. He was tall and the hill was steep so it was hard to balance and I was afraid I was going to fall backwards, but I didn't. Afterwards, he walked me home like he'd promised. But he walked fast and was a few steps ahead of me, so I took double steps, stumbling to keep up with him.

I nodded in the dark, understanding what it did and didn't mean, what I was worth and did and didn't deserve. When I got to my house, I walked up the front steps and through the door, shutting it quietly behind me. Leaning back against the door, I slid to the ground. Feeling the cool tile against my face, I curled up into a ball on the entryway floor, wrapped my arms around my knees, and cried. I told some of my friends about that night, but as if it had just been normal hooking-up.

Then more people found out and teased me about it, as if I was promiscuous, slutty. At 15 years old, I didn't understand what had happened. I'd had a crush on Patrick for so long and all I'd wanted was for him to notice me, to kiss me, and he finally did, only something had gone wrong. There was no label for what he did so it became a violation I couldn't name, and I could convince myself that it wasn't a big deal. If someone refuses to swallow, it's not because she doesn't like you like, she's still giving you a blow job so come on , it's just because that's her personal preference.

Going full-throttle deep throat is physically impossible for some women, so please stop perpetuating this myth that the whole penis needs to go in someone's mouth for it to really count. Although that might be convenient, it's just now how bodies work. Most women have literally no idea what to do with your balls.

Like, would you prefer I pretend they're not even there? Do you want them licked? Just tell me. I'm not psychic.

A lot of women have insecurity about giving blow jobs because they're scared they won't be good at it. Which is nuts. Because men should be so lucky to be receiving them anyway in the immortal words of Samantha Jones, "They don't call it a job for nothin'. Everyone likes to do things they know they're good at. Not that blow jobs can't be fun. But there is a huge difference between wrapping your mouth around a penis for however long, and just using your tongue to lick a clit for a while.

You don't get insane jaw aches from licking a clit. You going down on me does not equal me going down on you. Literally no one wants to 69 with you.

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