I never really wanted to put this much of my own personal experience with Tufts into this website, but I think it is very important for it to be put out there the emotional ramifications of reporting my rape to an institution that doesn’t care. Perhaps if the key players who deal with rape/sexual assault victims knew that their decisions will forever change someone, they will be more pressed to get proper training and KNOWLEDGE about sexual assault.

I have always been a fan of using the term “survivor” instead of “victim” when talking about people who have going through the trauma of SA. Over time I have learned increasingly more about how there is a distinct line between the two. I was quick to call myself a survivor once I heard the term – it was empowering and it ran quite true to me. But now, I feel the institution of Tufts has dragged me back over to “victim” status. I have fought hard to stay on the survivor side; I dug my nails in the ground, but Tufts’ actions (or lack thereof) has caused me to know that once again I have become a victim.

I was so proud of myself to know what was done to me was wrong and that I was going to muster the little strength I had left to stand up tall, walk to Dowling and sit in that office with Dean Reitman. To be honest, if I knew how things would turn out, I would have never gone and told them. Regardless, I did do it and the subsequent acts of Tufts made it very hard for me to ever forget that I was abused and raped and then not taken seriously – every rape victim’s nightmare.

The school refused to be understanding of my situation. Instead of asking what is wrong or instead of checking in to see how I was faring in such a harsh environment (being at a school that thought my rape is a joke created a hostile environment for me), the school remained silent until they saw it ideal to push me out of the door. They rather would get rid of me and not hear me speak out or hear how they deepened the wounds of my trauma. Their actions cry that they never cared about what they did to me…they just had their jobs and they would just have to do everything possible to maintain their job security and keep the reputation of the school intact – even if that meant leaving the soul of a girl shattered.

Now I have to face details of my rape and prior relationship almost every day and remember and have flashbacks about things I tried so hard to overcome. Why? Because Tufts refused to understand and help me. Now I have to go through old police reports, letters from the school, and memories of the stress and let down just so I can try and help myself and tell Tufts what they should have done in the first place.

I just want to let other survivors know that there are others out there who know how you feel and who dealt with what you are experiencing. I pray that my struggle with Tufts will be amongst the last of its kind – so other victims don’t have to live their lives being kept back from walking over the line into “survivor” status.