Why Tufts ignoring my rape worsened my PTSD
Some may wonder why we should care whether a school should have the capacity to handle sexual violence cases properly and follow accordingly. Even if a survivor can report to the police and get retribution from the court system, having your school punish your classmate for violating you means a lot. Also, getting ones rape case to trial is hard and a conviction even harder. The entire process can take years a tons of money, which is a commitment many survivors (most?) cannot or will not do.
However there aren’t just legal or moral obligations that schools hold to help survivors. The university’s actions (or lack thereof) in response to a report of rape and desire of adjudication directly affect a survivors ability to overcome the trauma of sexual violence. There are definitely a lot of factors at play when it comes to whether a survivor develops post-traumatic stress disorder, but one large factor is how the people close to them and the community they live in treats them afterward.
In Judith Herman’s book, Trauma and Recovery there is a wealth of eye-opening information on how traumatic events (such as sexual violence) affect people. In Chapter 3: Disconnection she says, “Traumatic events have primary effects not only on the psychological structures of the self but also on the systems of attachment and meaning that link individual and community.” One of the benefits of going to a smaller university where most of the students live nearby is the sense of community. When someone is subjected to rape there can often be the feeling that they are suddenly alone and different. In addition, there is that basic sense of daily safety that many people take for granted every day. Personally, I know that my desire to use the Judicial Process at Tufts was in part supported by wanting to feel safer. I can’t tell you have scary it is to see your school not even investigate your claim to start the process. If they let my rapist get away with it so easily…how many other students that are violently assaulting others are in class next to me on walking down Professor’s Row?
The section of this chapter is Trauma and Recovery that really resonated with me is “The Role of the Community”. The introductory paragraph includes this
The response of the community has a powerful influence on the ultimate resolution of the trauma. Restoration of the breach between the traumatized person and the community depends, first, upon public acknowledgment of the traumatic event and, second, upon some form of community action. Once it is publicly recognized that a person has been harmed, the community must take action to assign responsibility for the harm and to repair the injury. These two responses–recognition and restitution–are necessary to rebuild the survivor’s sense of order and justice.
To this day I regret reporting and telling Tufts about my assault and this paragraph summarizes why. The lack of restitution (was there even recognition? it felt like they didn’t really believe me or this it was “that serious”) really made me feel like I took 100 steps back in overcoming the trauma. Not a day has gone by where I do not think about what happened to me and how Tufts responded and their lack of compassion. Unfortunately Tufts refusing to look into my rape to start the judicial process (even though they said I could) was not the only wrong they committed. They had a lot of opportunities to alleviate the pain and trauma, but only succeeded in compounding it.
Herman writes that people who have a lot of support from others and the community are way more resilient to PTSD than others. Through the actions of Tufts they have made it near impossible for me to get over my trauma. They took away my personal support system; they didn’t take go with the judicial process; they didn’t accommodate me academically. I already had to deal with my body literally being a crime scene and then every healthy coping strategy was taken away from me one by one. It felt like I was I was hanging onto a cliff and slowly each of my fingers slid off the ledge as Tufts took something away from me.
It’s very hard to think about the school I was so excited to attend greatly exacerbated the condition of my disability . While every case is different and not every survivor that is wronged by a university will end up like me, I think this that one student who turned out like me is one too many. Dealing with the betrayal and let down of someone attack is bad enough, but I must say personally it hurt a lot more when the school that claimed to care and have my best interest in mind did the same thing.
So hey it is important whether a school takes sexual violence seriously. It does matter if a school would rather cover up an assault or let the perpetrator graduate than to hear the case in the system. There are lives at stake…not just reputations of the school or the perp, but also the live of the survivor. What you say and do matters a lot more than many may think.
